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Mike *Dick Sucking* Pence
Gay Man
"I suck dick for the greater good"

Age

240

Gender

Male

Sexuality

Straight (True Nature)

Gay (After sucking dick)

Favorite Popsicle Flavor

Dick

Best Friend

Donald Trump, Farley Sweet

Background

Michael Richard Pence (同性愛者の神), better known as Mike Pence, is the Vice President of the United States and simultaneously the Greatest Enemy of Homosexuality and also the Gayest Organism in the Universe surpassing that of even Drew Pickles. Pence was born prematurely on July 4th, 1776 after his mother was overcome with patriotism and pride upon the signing of the Declaration of Independence. It is widely agreed he has kept himself alive through sheer hatred and willpower since then. From the War of 1812 until World War I, when Pence described "shit was getting too real," Mike Pence has fought vigilantly against the enemies of the United States. Upon taking up politics in Greater Illinois (Indiana) Mike Pence soon realized that the ultimate threat to White America (True America) was immigration, and more direly, the Gay Agenda.

Gayduction Ability

Mike Pence has single handedly become the ultimate threat to the gay lifestyle, both figuratively and literally. Pence possesses a unique ability where upon laying his hand on an individual of gay decent he is able to drain them of their homosexuality completely. Once they've been sucked, Pence's victims become a husk of their queer self and are then fully heterosexual. However the cost of this power is that Pence is actually absorbing their gay essence thus making him the Gayest Organism in the Universe. Nearly all of Indiana regards Pence as a Christ-like figure for sacrificing his natural love for cooch as seen by the state mail stamp featuring him sucking the gayness out of a man's dick.

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