"Only God can judge me, Ronald."

Hamburglar (HAM-BER-GLAR) was the trademarked food thief of the original McDonalds Crew back in the days of McDonalds land, but after the down fall brought by Morgan Spurlock and his stand, Super Size Me, he has been led a stray from his destiny.


The hamburlgar is a mischievous little fucker who will wait for you to take a few good bites out of your food before taking it, saying the saliva 'adds flavor'. Un-loyal a voice like a grinder he was only allowed to stay with the McCrew due to the help he gave in the Fast-Food Wars.


Being recruited in the Fast-Food wars, only Hamburglar was able to to sneak behind the KFC Trenches in Alaska's Killing Fields, he spilled the ketchup of over 67 men that day, an act that impressed the other worldly tyrant Ronald McDonald. Taking the boy under his Chicken Wing, Ronald with the rest of the McCrew went on many Wacky adventures. Only experiences more horrors that left holes in the Hamburglar, holes that the Hamburgers he stole just couldn't be filled.

After being shafted one to many times Hamburglar tried a revolt against Ronald, taking him at gun point Ronald only laughed, "Haha, Hamburglar you doofus! What good does gunpowder and metal do to a god?"

Quickly Ronald worked his McMagic and fried the Hamburglars pistol, banishing him to the other worlds where he would surely get cooked. Finding his way at a local McDonalds in Fright Side, he was contempt at eating the cold garbage from the denizens, but when the NSGM Crew came in, his old antics got the better of him. Waiting a good bit for them to get their food all well and half eaten, before kicking in by flipping the table shouting something probably REALLY gay. The NSGM crew was understandably really pissed.

Wanting blood the only one who wasn't 100% pissed was Animefan940, speaking for the defense of Hamburglar, but this was futile for the Hamburlgar seeing as the Cephalopod had no understanding of the English language and all that came out was a series of "Ske". But in the end only Hamburglar was to blame as seeing the very much vulnerable milkshake in one of the octopuses tentacles, Hamburglar knocked that shit down, insuring the later crucifixion that he totally deserved.


  • His last acting role was Skull Face from MGS V: TPP
  • Gossip speaks of Tommy Dickles being somehow related to this mess, unlikely as it may be.
  • Hamburglar was responsible for hiding Mayor McCheeses body after the following assassination on the Alaskan Killing Fields, I think we all know how he did it.
  • He's the only one who can eat cold Wendy's hamburgers, besides of course Alecks.
  • Look between the verys of Hannah

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